Can-Can Cancan!

Itch.io port announcement from Balloon Co. [marketing division]: The following game was first released in 2017. Estimated time needed to play: approximately 4 minutes. The following is a historic preservation of the description for the original release on tumblr.com. It is not needed to play the game, and reading it will not give any relevant information about said game:

Believe the unbelievable and enjoy a new HIATUS GAME!

If you don’t care about company politics and just want the game, it’s called Can-can Cancan and you can-can download it on a Windows computer, but can’t-can’t on other ones (sorry, none of our games work well on fruit or penguin based electronics). Here’s the link: [Link removed due to itch.io upload]

Short description DON’T READ IF YOU LIKE SURPRISES: Dance people’s problems away!

OK COMPANY POLITICS TIME!  What follows is the word that is located on the street for those consoeurs with refined tastes for corporate gossip…

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First, a refresher for people who aren’t long time Balloon Co. geekotakunerds:  our parent company of Balloon Co. [all the divisions] made us go on game-making-hiatus until we took a course on learning the programing language Amethyst.  Our current progress in the online course, despite all our efforts to cheat our way through, is still around 4 to 4.5 years remaining (would have been 3.9 if SOMEBODY who KNOWS WHO THEY ARE hadn’t named their poetry portfolio THE EXACT SAME NAME AS OUR COURSEWORK SAVE FILE!!!)

Now, when we were told to make games, we were quite talented at dragging our feet enough to give the highest quality content with the lowest quantity of work.  However, when we’re told NOT to do work, civil war breaks out between our laziness and our rebelliousness.  So far, the lazy faction had been winning (it’s hard to combat the comfort of warm blankets and sweatpants), until a recent event that TOTALLY TURNED THE TIDE OF OUR CIVIL WAR HISTORY!

For some reason, every year near the beginning of July, our bosses from the American branch of our company send us an email telling us to take a few days off of the work we aren’t doing in order to celebrate something old that happened to Americans.  On the same day, we also get an annual package from our British branch filled with tea and a note to “Keep your emotions in check and carry out your duties.”   This year, we received the email from the middle of North America, but NO PACKAGE FROM THE EUROPEAN ISLAND!  Our international experts tell us that they were probably distracted from the fact that their pounds are dropping; if they wanted to stop losing pounds, then they should try our patent-pending-then-failing method called the Walrus Blubber diet.  

So, the delicate yingy-yangy balance between being told to work and not work was destroyed.  Anger at the NERVE of those Americans to tell us to “enjoy ourselves” burned within us, and warmed us enough to rip apart the oppressive regime of those itchy covers and pants so that we could defy our parent company’s sacrilegious orders to halt production!  However, we only had a limited time to stick it to them on their precious holiday, so we rallied around our goal: Awesome Game Developed Quickly!  

We AGDQed as Q as we coulD.  We Ded so fast that, at 11 PM on July 4th, one of our computers burst into sparks and showered the room with electricity and burning metal.  While we gazed upon the majestic scene with sublime awe, a scrap of burning shrapnel smacked Semyon right in that area between the armpit and the hip on his left side.  After patching him up, we declared that every year on the fourth day in July we would celebrate by launching burning metal into the air in memory of him surviving and having the coolest scar ever!

But now, our rebellious spirit is burning out, and we’ve started sewing back our blankets from the shreds that didn’t catch on fire (some pants had to be sacrificed for the good of the blankies).  Once our overlords see what we did, they’ll probably prevent us from making another game for a LONG time.  But hey, we surprised you/ourselves/our stupid bosses with this hiatus game!  Who knows if we’ll do it again!  Until that time, we hope you enjoy this game, and keep Semyon in your prayers…

CAUSE WHEN SOMEONE  TAKES ON AN ACT OF GOD AND/OR GODDESS LIKE THAT AND COMES OUT A CHAMP YOU’D BETTER START PRAYING TO ‘EM!#

~Balloon Co. [gaming division]

# IMPORTANT NOTE FROM BALLOON CO. LAWYERS: We advise anyone who resides in a country with anti-blasphemy laws to NOT pray to Semyon as Semyon is not a recognized deity and worship of him may get you in trouble with your local government.  We also advice against dedicating your spiritual attention to Semyon even if you reside outside one of those countries as Semyon doesn’t know a lick of ecclesiastical law, and thus is really not truly worthy of anyone’s devotion.

Tagged: #What is this, #It looks like those things on that blue bird website.  I doupt it's important, #do people even see what's typed here? It's probably just some bad coding..